i don’t want to be found.
you say that you still care about me, that we’re still as close as we were, but you never talk to me. i mean, yeah, sure, once every blue moon, once whenever you feel guilty because i’m on a pity trip, once because i might just have to remind you or someone else for that matter. i don’t want to be your friend if just saying “hello” once every week is that much of a chore. now, i know that i don’t initiate the conversation either but it’s only because i’m afraid of bothering you. we lose conversation so fast. you lose interest, i lose interest because you’ve lost interest, and thus the cycle that we’ve created - you’ve created. i want to blame it all on you but i can’t because i love you. i blame myself. i think that .. maybe if i was more forward, maybe if i was braver, i could somehow alter the sad state in which our beautiful relationship has crumbled.
we died a long time ago. i miss those lazy nights. i miss talking to you. i miss loving you and maybe even, slightly, believing that you loved me back equally, if not more.
i hate you for this. i hate myself even more. this can’t be fixed.
