for a moment, i can tell i’ve got you.
i turn seventeen in less than one month. i’m scared to be aging like this .. it’s like i haven’t enjoyed any piece of these past five years, childhood, whatever. i don’t mind being in school because that’s the only place i can ever see my friends. the internet is the only place that i can remotely be myself, or maybe this overly-forward persona is just that: a persona. i use it as a defense mechanism … is that it? because .. if i’m overly forward, that feels a lot more attractive to most people. but i don’t want to be like most people … and most people don’t like me anyway. at least, around here … i must sound so racist but you have to see this from my pov. i’m one out of three asians at my high school, in the southeast, in northeastern kentucky, as ” remote ” as it gets.
i’d wager that the lack of a mother, maternal, or feminine figure in my life as also altered the situation dramatically. i act manly, act so forward that it’s overbearing, am just - simply put - dysfunctional. how do i fix this?
fucked. :/
